Ed and I finally got round to starting marriage prep, running through this "Preparing for Marriage" book with our pastor. Had a reality check as I ploughed through Session 2 which highlighted 4 commitments essential to building a marriage according to God's blueprint:
21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said,"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
- Genesis 2: 21-24
Commitment One: Receive Your Mate
Deciding to accept your other half's strengths and weaknesses. It is not just a decision one makes when reciting our marriage vows but requires an attitude of continual acceptance throughout your marriage.
Commitment Two: Leave your Parents
Leaving involves two kinds of surgery: (1) Severing the cord of dependency- choosing not to rely on our parents for material or emotional support (2) Severing the cord of allegiance - where our first and foremost loyalty is to our spouse although we should continue to honour our parents.
Both of us need to recognize this shift in loyalty and dependence. This act of breaking away is foundational to establishing one-ness.
Commitment Number 3: Cleave to your Mate
"Love is to will another person's good." - Elisabeth Elliot
Love is not based on feelings or emotions and the idea is at the heart of commitment. It is a permanent bond not meant to be broken. Commitment is willing another person's good through an unbreakable pledge of fidelity and devotion. It is the resolute conviction of your will to stick to that person for life.
Commitment Number 4: Become One Flesh
This goes back to how in marriage, one plus one still equals one. Before the wedding ceremony there is a he and she. After the ceremony, there is a new entity called "us".
It's a vivid reminder for me that there is no exchange/refund policy and why we need to affirm that it is for better or for worse, be it richer or poorer, through sickness and health, till death do us part. One can't change your sick husband for a healthier one or replace him just because he's put on 10 pounds since the wedding night.
The more I mull over this, am beginning to feel that I need to sign up for some wife-training lessons!
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