Challenge of Making Friends

Source: http://thelatherapist.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-make-friends-even-if-youre-not.html

While I have nattered off and on about the need to be more open and willing to make new friends, the truth of the matter is that I'm too old (in my opinion) to develop deep and meaningful friendships which require so much more time and effort. Admittedly, this is really just an excuse as I have seen friends who have no problems striking new (and close) friendships.

As I wondered whether I was becoming alittle too set in my ways, came across an article reassuring me (slightly) that I wasn't the only one struggling. In fact, post carefree school days, many of us end up with situational friendships where we have varying degrees of close friendships with different individuals at any one point in time. Not so much because we fell out or started hating each other...but simply because of tight schedules, different priorities and seasons in life that have contributed to one being less able to maintain the closeness of the friendship. As such, it is our younger day friendships that survive the test of time as we have since forged the ties that bind. According to the article:

As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, she added.

As the people interviewed pointed out:

“I haven’t really changed my standards for what it means to actually be friends,” he concluded. “It’s just that I use the word ‘friends’ more loosely. Making the real kind, the brother kind, is much harder now.”

Some, like Ms. Degliantoni, the fund-raising executive, simply downsize their expectations. “I take an extremely efficient approach and seek out like-minded folks to fill very specific needs,” she said of her current strategy. “I have a cocktail friend and a book friend and a parenting friend and several basketball friends and a neighbor friend and a workout friend.”

“It’s much easier filling in those gaps in my life,” she added, “than doing an exhaustive approach for a new friend.”

While I am cognizant that I shouldn't be finding excuses for my dismal friend-making efforts, it's good to know that there are very valid reasons behind my rapidly decreasing circle of friends. In any case, I'm definitely grateful for the steadfast friendships that have remained through the years.

So...to those who are and have remained my friends (you know who you are!), THANKS for your presence and positive impact in my life. It's good to know that I have friends who do not judge, are ever ready to lend a listening ear and take time to check in on me. Your friendship is greatly cherished.