"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)
An often heard passage during weddings, re-reading it again never fails to remind of what love should be as well as reflect on my own reality.
Today's challenge addressed one's choice to believe the best things about our other half. Somehow, this seems so much more instinctive during the early days of courtship and as they say, time really does breed contempt. As we get to know the other person better, the flaws suddenly take centrestage and what was once endearing now becomes irritating.
Highlights from the book (slight adaptation):
In the deep and private corridors of our hearts, there are 2 possible rooms which we can spend time in:
(1) Appreciation Room
This is where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. When you think about these things, your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase. In fact, the more time you spend meditating on these positive attributes, the more grateful you are for your mate. Most things in this room were likely written in the initial stages of your relationship.
(2) Depreciation Room
On its walls are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings and the disappointment of unmet expectations. This room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband or wife. However, the more time you spend in this place, the more your heart devalues your spouse.
Although we might say that all these negative aspects are true, so are the things in the appreciation room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner's failures under a magnifying glass.
The bottom line is love knows about the depreciation room and does not live in denial that it exists. But love chooses not to live there. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.
Recognizing that it is an intentional decision to step out of the Depreciation room, I also need to develop the habit of reining in my negative thoughts while choosing to focus on the positive attributes of my permanent other half.
Admittedly, it is always easier to whine about how uncaring, insensitive or blah blah blah the other person can be. Hence, I am learning to be grateful for Ed in my life as well as trying to recognize the (mental) alarm bells that go off in my heart so that I can dash towards the Appreciation room for a refresher course on Ed's endearing qualities.
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